Notes on a tiny experiment
The Not-Remotely-Scientific Experiment
I wondered whether focusing on what I can and can’t control, on both cognitive and physiological levels, would give me some needed breathing room.
I’ve lived with chronic illness for 30+ years. One condition, POTS, puts heavy demands on the fight-or-flight system. Lately neuro-visual therapy has added to the fight-or-flight burden. Meanwhile, decades of living at “maximum virtue” to manage health with little positive return has left me burned out. I hoped this experiment would suggest a path forward.
What I learned:
Cognitive
- Epictetus’s “What’s in my control/not in my control” was useful for concrete tasks that depended on someone else, like dealing with health insurance companies.
- It was too unclear for systemic health issues and led right back to the path of burnout—“can I sleep better if I do x? I did last night but can’t tonight. Is there something I can do?”
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy’s twist on Stoicism was much better: what action can I take that’s aligned with my values?
Somatic
- Qigong was most helpful when I approached the movements as pandiculation, especially in the back and chest muscles. 5-minute “doses” throughout the day were accessible and instantly helpful.
- Relaxing breath work (4-by-6, 4-7-8 breathing) was only helpful as a first step. After visual therapy it could calm fight-or-flight enough to let qigong be more than scattered limb-moving, but otherwise I wasn’t impressed.
- Intense, explosive out-breaths reset the stress response better than long, slow, “thou shalt be peaceful” ones.
- A good shake-out of arms and legs, and blowing through flapping lips like the love-child of a horse and a trombone player worked, too.
General Thoughts
Wow. Just writing this up, I see why I have burnout. Endless, endless, endless “If I try x, perhaps things will get a little better.” I tried to approach this mini-experiment with curiosity rather than a results orientation, and that helped. And focusing on the effort-to-ease ratio was good. On a 1-5 scale, this averaged 1:3 effort to ease, and it’s something I can do ad hoc.
The Upshot
I found more spaciousness day to day without adding another behave-y practice to the list. I already breathe; I already do qigong. I just changed my focus. Awareness of what I can/can’t control reduced harm; the physical practices were actively good.
The biggest “aha” was sensing viscerally how different completing the stress cycle is from “destressing.” Relieving stress doesn’t necessarily let the physical stress response come to a clean end by restoring a sense of safety. If anything, destressing gives me the sense that stress is the enemy. Completing the cycle was a whole other feeling.